Skip to content ↓

On the Day I Married Her

I knew next to nothing about my wife on the day I married her. We had dated for a few years, we had spent countless evenings talking on the phone, we had attended church, we had organized events, and even run a business together. But despite all that, we still barely knew one another. The knowledge we had was genuine, but it was shallow. Still, that small amount of knowledge was enough to compel us to invite our friends and family to a little church in Ancaster so we could pledge our lives to one another.

I have never had a moment’s regret for marrying Aileen (which is not the same as saying we have never had disagreements or difficult times). This is remarkable when I consider how little I knew of her on the day of our wedding. I loved and appreciated her as far as I knew her, but in retrospect can see how little knowledge I really had.

Fast forward through sixteen years of marriage, and our knowledge has increased dramatically. It has increased to a level that all those years ago would have seemed downright creepy. Through the pleasure of living together, the toil of working together, the intimacy of sleeping together, the delight of having children together, and all the normal joys and trials of life, we have come to know one another in a much deeper way. I love her much more now than I did at the time, because today’s love is based on much more substantial knowledge.

Don’t hear me saying that I have now learned everything about her, as if sixteen years has been sufficient for that. I am fully aware that, should the Lord grant us thirty-two or sixty-four years together, I’ll look back and marvel at how little I knew of her in 2015. This is part of the joy of marriage—spending a lifetime growing in my knowledge of, and therefore love for, another person. This is part of the honor of marriage, that another person would allow me to know her to this degree, to allow me to know her mind, body, and soul.

When I first began writing these words, I intended to make a comparison to the Christian’s relationship with God. And there is a sense in which the comparison works. But there is another sense in which it fails.

When you became a Christian, you did so on the basis of partial knowledge. You had genuine knowledge of genuine truth, but it was very limited knowledge. Still, it was enough—it was enough to see yourself as a sinner and Christ as a glorious Savior, and so you put your faith in him. But to some degree it was still a leap in the dark. Then, as you have grown as a Christian, you have inevitably come to a better and deeper understanding of God, and his glory and grace; that small faith has been rewarded as it has grown into a fuller and more robust faith. Your love for God has grown as your knowledge of God has increased.

But God’s love for you has remained unchanged. It has not grown a bit, and that’s because God’s knowledge of you has not advanced one bit. Before you were born he knew everything you would be. “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them” (Psalm 139:16). Before he saved you, he knew everything you would do: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10). He knew it all. His knowledge of you was complete and is complete. His love for you was complete and is complete. It will never change. It can never change.

Image credit: Shutterstock


  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (April 22)

    A La Carte: Pope Francis / Yes, Jesus was crucified with nails / The mystery of “the call” / Just a little bit / The last of the four / John outran Peter / Kindle deals / and more.

  • Will You Be a Pillar?

    How do we lead in a culture shaped by performance, individualism, and platform? Platforms to Pillars by cultural commentator Mark Sayers offers a biblical alternative to the platform mentality that dominates our society. Drawing from the ancient world, Sayers challenges Christians to become pillars—people who provide strength and support for others, who live with character…

  • The Tallest Trees

    The Winds Blow Hardest Against the Tallest Trees

    Through the weekend had many questions about Christian leaders who fall. And I expressed that just as the winds blow hardest against the tallest trees, so temptations may press hardest against the leaders who rise the highest. Just as floods press against shallow roots, so seductive desires rise up against those whose fall would bring…

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (April 21)

    A La Carte: Toxic servant leadership / Taking our stress to the Lord / The problem with habits / Is it wrong for Christians to choose cremation? / Why does your church meet in a house? / Big book and Kindle deals / and more.

  • Expectations

    Why We Ask So Little of God

    Most Christians expect little from God, ask little, and therefore receive little, and are content with little. Though the Bible calls us to pray and though it promises that “the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working,” we can still have very modest expectations of what God will accomplish through…

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    Weekend A La Carte (April 19)

    A La Carte: Why man needs God / Why nails matter / Kids’ picture books / MLK’s famous letter changed a DC church / How to mentor / A tearless eternity / and more.