Skip to content ↓

The Most Difficult Time to Lead

I receive the emails often, the emails from the man who wonders how he, he of all people, could possibly lead his family. He has blown it. He has sinned too often, too flagrantly, too publicly. Usually it is the porn: She found the stash on his hard drive or the links in his browser. Hard-earned respect was demolished in a moment.

Aside: Men, don’t you know what it does to your wife’s heart when she learns this about you? Don’t you care how it destroys your reputation in her eyes? Don’t you fear how it shatters her confidence in the man she married?

Or maybe it wasn’t porn, but years of apathy, of neglect. How could he lead after so many years of being so passive? Or maybe it is neither porn nor apathy, but fear, fear of a woman who is so much wiser and so much more knowledgeable, who knows so much more about the Bible and so much more about the God of the Bible. How is he supposed to lead his wife and family when she is the one who knows so much more?

Whatever the reason, he hasn’t led. He hasn’t given direction to the family, he hasn’t called the family together for devotions, he hasn’t prayed with the kids, he hasn’t stepped up and been a leader. And the longer he goes, the harder it gets.

This is the most difficult time to lead. The most difficult time to lead is when you have forfeited the respect of those who are meant to follow you, when your confidence, and theirs, is shattered. But this is also the most important time to lead. This is where a real man will, and must, lead.

No one leads because he is worthy of the honor. In all of human history there has only been one person who was a worthy leader, and only one person who perfectly succeeded in his leadership. The rest of us, the best of us, are unworthy. We fumble along. We lead and stumble. We lead and fail. We lead and lose our way. We lead and hope desperately to learn something from it all. In all of human history there has been only one person who was a worthy leader, but the call to lead goes to the unworthy as well. And so we lead. Like it or not, confident or not, skillful or not, we lead.

We don’t lead because we are worthy, but because we are called. You don’t lead because you are worthy, but because you are called. And, my friend, you have been called— commanded and called by God himself. If you are a husband, you have been called. If you are a father, you have been called. You have been called to lead—you and no one else. You have been called to lead despite your sin and your failure, despite your fear and apathy. There is no backup plan, there is no one to lead in your absence, no one better suited, no one better qualified.

It won’t be easy, but it will be right, and God always blesses when you do what is right. So ask forgiveness for your sin. Turn away from those failures. Put to death the doubt and pride that traps you in inactivity. And lead. Lead gently, lead humbly, lead prayerfully. But lead.

If you won’t lead, who will? If not today, then when? You know what to do. So do it.

Photo credit: Shutterstock


  • Books for Parents

    Books about the Challenges of Parenting in a Modern World

    Every generation of parents faces challenges as they raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. While some challenges are the same from age to age, others are unique to a particular time and context. Perhaps the greatest challenge of our day relates to new notions of gender, sexuality, and identity. Today’s…

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (January 23)

    A La Carte: Pro-life challenges in the new administration / The ministry of small things / 10 things to think about / Pastoral burnout / Make yourself at home at almost any church / and more.

  • Beauty

    The Greatest Beauty I’ve Ever Seen

    One of the great privileges of my life has been the opportunity to travel far and wide. While most of my travel has been related to either speaking at conferences or filming documentaries, my hosts have often invited me to deviate from the straightest course to explore and take in the area’s natural beauty. It’s…

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (January 22)

    A La Carte: 15 ways to fight lust / Snowflakes / When everyone else is getting the blessings you want / Enough with the valorization of doubt / A culture of evangelism / Book sales / and more.

  • Spurgeon

    Must You Read at Least One Spurgeon Biography?

    I am not aware of a verse in the Bible that says every Christian must read at least one biography of Charles Spurgeon. Or every Calvinist, at least. But I also wouldn’t be completely shocked if it’s there somewhere and I’ve just missed it. And that’s because his life and ministry were powerfully unique in…

  • A La Carte Collection cover image

    A La Carte (January 21)

    A La Carte: What “love your enemies” does not mean / John Piper on reading providence / Talking to your Roman Catholic friends / What happens at prayer meeting? / Against executive pastors / Kindle deals / and more.